You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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