If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
pray to the hookup gods
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
