I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
