Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
