I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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