A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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