I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
