I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
