She is in my trunk
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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