I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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