his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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