Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
