He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
