Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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