Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
