I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
