when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
