On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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