Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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