Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
