Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We are all done wearing pants today
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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