I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
