Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
