Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize