i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
