I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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