I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
