**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There was a lot of him and a little penis
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
