Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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