I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
