Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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