Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
