I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
