sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
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