if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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