our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
