I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
