There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
