he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
