strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We need to get me chipped asap
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
