So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
