Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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