Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
