I need help removing her.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
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I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
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I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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