come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
