Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
