If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
