i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
