She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
