I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
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He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
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When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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