doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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