that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
