dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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