Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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