I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
