when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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