when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
false alarm, still single
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
