Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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