Having a random hookup so left but love u
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
