I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
