I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
