Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
