dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
