after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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