Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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