I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
