Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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