erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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