I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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