I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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