My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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