I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
