i permit you to call me
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
