I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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