isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
