If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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