So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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