She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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