***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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