Apparently you make a good broom.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
