Your face is a jimmy john
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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