Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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