You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
