so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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