So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
