It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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