I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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