Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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