I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
